On second thought...

So the big day has come and gone and now North America is largely sans-will, Korea is a bright sunny jewel of Asia with startlingly pleasant zephyrs and gentle, adoring sunlight. Well that is what I am hoping it to be but I still cannot say for certain because United Airlines, henceforth known as Evil Air, screwed the pooch, and dumped me in the Midwest.

Let's recap shall we. I woke up this morning and was all prepared to leave the US for Big Korea, anxious yes but still largely excited. If only I had known that an adventure was about to befall me, I wonder what its like living a quiet life, but alas. So its 5 am and I am roused out of bed by Sister and Brother in-law and told to get crackin'. So I tousled my hair and got ready to leave one last time, hopped in the shower with the idea that I should cut off my scruffiness. Now I don't know how many of you have had the pleasure of shaving, but I recommend that you use a mirror as opposed to the force like I did. This way you won't end up with a mildly distinguished off-center soul patch. Should have seen the signs but hey I never said I was observant. So I am dropped off at BWI and we go and get a cup of coffee at Starbucks, too bad they don't know how to make a mocha...oh well. So it is good bye time now, Johanna manages to impress a security guard with her good bye. Bravo. Now onto the fun stuff.

Waiting line at security I manage to hold up the line because I forget I have my belt on and I keep setting off the alarm. Sheepishly I retreat to the back of the line, when I am yelled at by the guard because I am not paying attention. Who has ever heard of me not listening to people? So now me and all of my disgruntled friends leave security to get on Evil Airs flight to Chicago. Well the plane is late they tell me, well they tell me 20 minutes after we were supposed to board but whatever. So we are all waiting for the plane to arrive and I realize that I might miss my connection so I go to the desk and ask the lady whats up. She says the plane is running an hour behind but will make it with plenty of time for me to make my connection. Oh wait you have an international connection?, grimacing yea you will be fine.Luckily for me she explains that the delay with the plane is mechanically related so if I am unfortunate to miss my flight then Evil will pay for everything else. Yay.

Boarding time comes on by and I ask if I can switch my seat to increase the odds of me making my flight?
"Why do you have a friend you wanna be near or something?" says the steward.
"uh no I just have to get on a plane to Korea 15 minutes after we land."
"You'll be fine, O'hare is really nice and easy to understand"

So it ends up that I am placed in the last row of the plane next to two babbys. Just great. So I decide to make the best of a bad situation and I promptly pass out only to be woken by the baby who has found out that if he screams his father won't stop him, thus encouraging him to scream more. I take about an hour or so of this before I take matters into my own hands. I punt er placate the baby by the only means I know how. I put on an impromptu puppet show starring me and a bouncy raccoon called Rocky. The lovable child is enthralled and more importantly has lost its ability to make sounds. Thank goodness, that bought roughly 10 minutes of silence before we have to land and the kid starts up again. sigh. Touchdown, time to run.

So we have landed and it's 10:24! I have almost a full hour to make my flight awesome! Oh wait here's the other shoe...we have to circle across the gigantic tarmac known as Chicago O'hare International airport. On the plus side we pass the plane that I am going to frantically try to get onto; gate M7 here I come! So I run out of the plane and through the airport frantically searching for the International terminal, (I don't recommend doing that people look at you very strangely) and finally I run into a security guard who can help me. Turn left at the Dinosaur and take the glass walkway to the train. Lovely people these Chicagoians, I can empathize your feelings Angela, I truly can. So I make it onto the train after besting the t-rex and the hall of horros, and I luckily stumble upon an unsuspecting Korean Airlines employee. He informs me that the flight is leaving but he can call and have it stopped. Miracle!

Well it turns out this man's miracle has a statute of limitations on it, roughly about 5 mins or so I have all the excitement of having succeeded in making my flight despite all the odds, followed by the stomach punch of being told nay you must remain behind brother. So it appears as if Uncle Sam and America are not done with their favorite son yet, so I will stick around a bit more to make nice with the Ol' US of A before becoming a Korean Expat (that makes me sound like a secret agent).

This means that Jessica Ferringer I am here for your birthday, Happy Birthday! you couldn't let me just visit your homeland without being here for your birthday. Well your present is my American deportation. I hope you are happy. :)

So that is the tale of my almost-trip to Korea minus my fights with Evil Air, those jerks owe me hotel fare! Forgetting my diploma, bringing the wrong phone charger with me (sorry keith!) and everything else that went wrong. Tomorrow I'm going to K-town if I have to swim there. Good bye for real this time, enjoy America with out me.